


Yours, If You So Choose, A. Burr

by VeryLateTrash



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Courtroom Drama, Dream Sex, F/M, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Period-Typical Homophobia, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-22 18:19:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeryLateTrash/pseuds/VeryLateTrash
Summary: In which Aaron Burr confesses his feelings to Alexander in a time in which it's illegal....Reposting because ao3 kept messing my chapter updates up.





	1. Chapter 1

I wasn't one to purely hate someone. And most would deny that fact, stating that I indeed hated Alexander Hamilton after what he'd said about me. They'd be wrong. Beyond wrong, in fact.  
From the day we met, I had a slight infatuation with Alexander. He held something in his eyes that I couldn't place. There was a fire in his eyes like none other. A fire that never seemed to fully extinguish throughout all of the hardships I've seen him go through.   
But that first day they met was only the second brightest the fire in his eyes shone. At least, as far as I knew.   
Alexander was something else. I like to think that I saw that the quickest out of anyone else. I could see how much fuel he ran on. He was an endless flame, and with every hand he shook, with every letter he wrote, with every position he held, a coal was thrown on to that flame.  
He started out as a small ember, just a flicker of fire, light clear and bright but not yet strong.   
He was intelligent. The words that Alexander threw at him were ones, not necessarily from wisdom, but from a vision he held. That vision was brilliant. Fast paced. Lifelike but far away into the future.  
Alexander was quick to speak, even quicker perhaps to listen to what I had to say as well, hanging onto and noting each and every word I spoke. I'd be lying if I said that Alexander made me feel important from the beginning.  
He met the others. Lafayette, Mulligan, and John Laurens all at the same time when I was trying to talk to him.   
The way he listened to me, combating me with some words of his own...I found myself becoming more and more interested in him.  
I wanted to talk to him more but he was already lost in the noise that the others were making. I hated the noise. The loudness, the rash nature of it all. It was too much for me.  
I waited for Alexander to come back down to me. To stop flying away with the other dreamers and have a sensible discussion, but he was already soaring in the clouds. Next to John Laurens, I might add.  
John and Alexander were close. They exchanged glances that prodded a bit of jealousy out of me. It started out with me just wanting to speak to Alexander, but as time passed, just as his flames of determination and success grew, my ocean of jealousy and frustration flooded.  
Alexander met Elizabeth Schuyler, and the little time I had with him was spent talking either about how he wanted to fight with Laurens and the others in the war, or about Eliza. They wrote letters back and forth to one another, apparently falling quickly in love.  
During one of these instances, I said to him, "How do you have time for it all, Alexander?"  
He tilted his head at me, setting his drink back down, "What do you mean?"  
I cleared my throat, "You always write. To Laurens, to Eliza... For this cause and that. I just don't see how you have the time. Or energy, for that matter."  
Alexander gave me a shrug, "When you're passionate enough about something, you manage to put forth effort into it." Alexander raised a brow, "Why? Aren't you seeking anyone whilst we're in the brink of revolution, sir?"  
I got a better grip of the cup I was holding, half empty with some wine in it. "I have Theodosia," I sighed, "Except I don't have her. She's married to a man on the other side. I love writing to her, mostly about our shared ideals on feminism, but it's hopeless. I wouldn't want her to lose respect after going through a divorce, or worse, having it known to the public that she was in an affair with me. Besides I have..." I trailed off. 'I have an interest in someone else,' was on the tip of my tongue, but it was just too dangerous to say.  
Alexander gave out a little 'hmm', "What else were you going to say?"  
I shook my head dismissively, to which he said, "Burr, sir, you shouldn't repress something that's so obviously bothering you."  
I stood, giving Alexander's shoulder a squeeze, "I'll need to get home now, and so should you."  
Alexander protested, but I turned, walking away from him, away from the bar.   
They got married soon after that. I attended, of course, per Alexander's request. I raised a glass to the couple, noticing some tears in John Laurens' eyes as he gave his toast.   
I had no reason to be upset. I never said anything about the growing feelings I had for Alexander. I feared the condemnation that would've come with it. Not to mention that Alexander seemed so damn happy now.   
Angelica and Laurens both seemed equally unhappy. I wondered just how many people were suffering in this way for Alexander.   
I shifted in my seat as the band played, lifting everyone to their feet to dance with their partners. I haven't one. Theodosia was with her husband, and needless to say, I can't act upon my emotions now that Alexander's married.  
Alexander did come to me after Eliza was swept off to dance with her father. He had his hands in the pockets of his slacks, "Didn't bring anyone, Burr, sir?"  
I held my hands in my lap, shaking my head, "No," I stated simply.  
Alexander's overcoat was off, leaving him in a vest and shirt underneath. He sat by me, arms stretched across the backs of the chairs to either side of him, which included my own, "C'mon, Burr, there's plenty of ladies out here tonight. You're a successful guy. Put two and two together, eh?"  
I sighed, "I'm afraid I can't, Alexander."  
Alexander frowned, bottom lip poking out a bit, "Why not? You said Theodosia is married, Aaron, so why not move on?"  
The words struck me hard. Why not move on from someone married? Because I couldn't.   
I turned to fully face him, "Alexander, I've been dangling over this pit, and for the longest while, I had my fingers held on tightly to the edge, but now, it's as if they were stepped on. I let go, and now I'm falling. I'm falling too fast and too hard to explain. It's dark, but I can still see the light at the top of the hole. But I can't climb back to it without help."  
Alexander blinked, "That was rather poetic of you, Burr. I'm somewhat surprised."  
My lips formed a wobbling line, and I tried to hold myself together, "Go to your wife; I think she's waiting for you."  
Alexander gave me a nod, throwing his arm around my shoulder in a quick side hug, "I'll be back to talk to you about this great metaphor you've created, sir."  
"And I'll be waiting."  
I waited for Alexander, but Alexander bypassed me, heading straight for the top. He became Washington's right hand man, leading armies with one hand while writing with the other. He fought and fought and fought and I watched him. I watched as he fought in a war and helped us win.  
He didn't stop. Just kept working until he became a lawyer. He worked right next to me, in fact.   
I saw him keep rising up, being picked for the constitutional convention, then set right at Washington's side once more. He was everything I wanted to be, and honestly...he was everything I wanted.   
I sat next to Alexander outside of the court room after we'd won our case. He was excited, hair bouncing a bit. He threw an arm around my shoulders, "Aren't you happy, Aaron Burr, sir? We just acquitted our client again! Winning and winning! We're a great team, I think."   
I turned to him, glancing at his beaming face out of the corners of my eyes. I sighed, standing, pushing his arm off from around me, "Go home, Alexander."  
I made my way toward the door, when his voice stopped me, "Why do you do that?"  
I frowned deeper, looking at him over my shoulder, "What do you mean?"  
Alexander crossed his arms, "Every time I'm trying to talk to you about anything somewhat personal, you walk away." I didn't respond, and he continued, "Theodosia's husband died. Why don't you try and talk to her anymore? I'm sure she's still interested in you."  
I turned back around to face him, but kept my mouth closed.  
He grew red in the face with what I assumed was indignation, "Do you not love her anymore? I remember when you'd talk about the letters you wrote to her everyday, and now you won't discuss anything with me."  
I opened my mouth to speak, "Alexander-"  
"Aaron, I'm just trying to help you. You've become more quiet around me, and as your partner, as your friend, I want to know why."  
I wasn't used to him calling me by my first name. It felt somewhat foreign, and more personal. I crossed the space between us slowly, despite it only being a few feet. I sat back down, "You're right."  
He loosened up his tense posture, "About what exactly?"  
I met his gaze, something that took a lot of strength on my part to do, "About everything you accused me. I don't speak much to Theodosia anymore, nor to you, and I'll admit those are somewhat correlated."  
Alexander's brows furrowed. He tilted his head a bit, "How so?"  
I sucked in a breath, then cautiously set a hand on his knee. I wanted to be able to explain verbally but to do so would be more difficult than fighting in a war, and I would know first hand at that.  
Alexander was a smart man. He put the puzzle pieces together, forcing eye contact with me, (and yes I know that technically he can't force me to do anything, but he had a hold on me that I couldn't describe), "Why didn't you tell me?"  
I fumbled, hands holding each other in my lap, "I wasn't sure how to."  
Alexander leaned closer toward me and I panicked, "Alexander, there's a thousand reasons why I didn't tell you. It's wrong. We could both lose our positions of power-"  
"Washington has a clear don't ask, don't tell policy," he interjected.  
"And besides that, you're married. Married to Eliza." And you're already writing to John Laurens, I wanted to add. It's not like they keep it a big secret, well, Alexander doesn't anyway.  
Alexander went quiet for a moment at that, "You're right about that part, I'll admit, but I'll say to you this: I write to many people." With that, it was his turn to leave me. I was helplessly lost and confused.  
Alexander will never understand that he meant the world to me. Days passed and work became harder to focus on with Alexander next door to me. He seemed to be waiting for me to make a move. For the first time in his life, Alexander remained idle in something.  
My skin itched. I laid in bed at night, head spinning and skin crawling. I glanced over at my desk, parchment and ink already on it. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I got out of bed, picking up a quill and dipping it into some ink.  
I couldn't believe what I was doing. It seemed unreal but so did Alexander at times. I wrote in fine cursive: Alexander,   
I haven't a clue as to what to write to you, but you seemed to wish me to do so. Therefore, I am.   
I'll admit it's been a few long, dull days without you to fill my ears with your endless amount of words. Your voice makes me feel things I haven't felt in so long. My dearest Theodosia, while I treasure her, has slipped my interest.   
It's you, my Alexander, that I wish to know even more about. I'm trembling as I write to you. You, who writes every second he's alive. I wish to speak to you again. Your voice to fill the gap in my heart that's been awfully empty these past few.   
I know you are painfully aware of how I feel about you. And, pain strikes my heart when I remember again that you are taken.   
I only wish to remain as someone close to you, and it is your choice to deem what that may be.  
Yours, if you so choose,  
A. Burr  
I set down my quill with a snap of my wrist, then went to seal the letter. I should hope Alexander gets it soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning.

I heard a soft pad of footsteps coming my way, followed by a short, "Burr!" A couple of thoughts fluttered through my mind, one positively delighted that Alexander would come talk to me, (I'd had a dreadfully hard time trying to sleep the night before out of fear for his reaction to my somewhat rashly worded letter), and another that felt like lead was dropped in my stomach. What would he say? I wanted so desperately to know his view on me, and yet at the same time, I wanted to crawl under my desk for a while. Hope that he'll not find me. He'd come all the way to my home to talk to me. Waited until after work. Waited until I would be caught off guard.  
There was a light touch on my shoulder, and I flinched, earning-when I turned around to face him-a frown from Alexander. He tilted his head, "You alright, Burr? Haven't seen you jump that far into the air since I first met you." That was undeniably true. I remember that day in 1776. He'd bounded up to me in a crowd, set his hand on my shoulder, and proudly asked me if I was who he thought I was. I'd flinched, and I remember how he'd immediately retracted his hand.  
I had to force my gaze up off of the ground. A deep ache of regret was forming in my stomach. I wanted to ask him, beg of him, to just hurry up and say that he hated me, that I was ridiculous for writing to him.  
Rather, he only gave me a kind gaze, his lips upturning once more in a smile that brought a bit of a blush to the tip of my nose, "How are you, Burr?"  
I felt as if he was toying with me. As if he knew the internal struggle that I was trying to grasp, and he was pulling the strings of my heart ever so farther on purpose. Of course, I knew he wouldn't. He's too charismatic.  
I licked my lips, which were becoming dry at a ridiculous rate, "I've been fine. And yourself?"  
He had a mysterious glint in his eyes that sent my thoughts racing. He gave out a quiet laugh, then, after a prolonged time of him digging around in his pockets, pulled out my letter. The eye contact that I had been working myself up to be able to make was immediately lost. I focused my gaze on my hands, picking at my nails.  
Alexander crouched down to get on my level, "Are we to talk about the matter in person, or am I to-"   
I didn't let him speak any further. As much as I'd love for him to inch even further toward me, as much as I'd love to have his face cupped in my hands, as much as I love him, I couldn't act upon it, "Alexander, I can't."  
Alexander set a hand over mine, "It doesn't have to be anything, Aaron-" the use of my first name again-it caused my heart to leap, "-I just want to know what you want."  
I felt a hand under my chin, guiding my eyes upward to meet his. What do I want? What am I expecting? Am I expecting anything? My brain is becoming light and fuzzy, as if I'd been drinking far too much.  
I felt a hand on my cheek, and on instinct, I leaned into it. I had a bit of trouble reading Alexander's expression. Curious eyes and a light smile playing on his lips.  
He was close. So close. Too close.   
There was a warmth that was stirring in his stomach. He gave out a shaky breath, "Alexander..."  
He didn't move, his face so unbearably close to mine, "Yes?"  
There was a blur in the time between when I was deciding what to say and when our lips finally connected.   
My cheeks were cupped, my eyes closed, his nose pressed a bit into my cheek. Hands moved to the back of my neck. I rode a line between being lost in the fuzz in my brain and full awareness of everything I was doing.  
My hands were on his waist, and I had an odd conscious thought that his hips were a bit full, despite me only ever seeing him living off of coffee and pure will to live.   
I felt the heat off of his skin through the shirt he wore. He pulled back a bit, eyes lidded and shaded with a dark kind of light in his eyes. The ribbon that held up his hair had come loose, and his locks were framing his face, a single piece of hair sticking out to lay a bit on his nose.   
His hands went from the nape of my neck to my shoulders, then traveling down to rest on my chest. He was looking at me expectantly.  
Looking at me to decide what to do.  
Looking at me, waiting for me to step off of the line of indecision. The one I'd ridden on my entire life. Skidding by in life while still being able to keep my plans close to my chest. To keep my feelings locked away.  
That being said, I'd already somehow crossed into a new area with Alexander. Expressing to him in writing how much I cared for him. Expressing my emotions toward him.   
I looked into his eyes and saw the reflection of my indecision, of all the things that could go wrong by doing this...  
I pushed my lips back onto his. He responded immediately, tongue slipping its way into my mouth as his hands roamed over my chest. He had a hold of the fabric of my overcoat, pushing it off of me.   
The buttons of my vest and then my shirt came undone as Alexander's lips moved from off of mine to my throat. I gave off a sound that I didn't know was possible for me-a soft mewl of sorts. I felt the sly bastard grin against my heated skin.   
I felt like it was one hundred degrees in the room as his hands ran over my bare chest. I let out a little gasp as he ran his teeth over the sensitive skin on my throat.  
He'd transferred to sit on the chair with me, his legs on either side of mine. We both gave out shocked yells as the chair tipped over a bit, knocking us into the floor away from it. Alexander was on top of me, lips connected to my skin. His lips went downward, kissing down my chest as I tried to calm my breathing.  
He looked up at me, head practically in between my legs. He quirked up an eyebrow a bit, as if about to say something, but I took the moment to beckon him forward, throwing my arms around his shoulders and gaining just enough leverage to flip us over.  
Alexander was grinning, eyes so purely, so beautifully, dark with lust, "Someone got guts."  
I cupped the front of his pants, catching his lips again just to make him stop talking-or at least, partially because of that.   
Alexander gasped a bit, rolling his hips into my palm. I pressed down a bit harder. I had Hamilton in my hands and somehow that gave me the boost of confidence I needed to finally get the clothes off of him.  
Alexander was, as could be predicted with his insomnia and lack of nutrition, (or the lack of time he gave himself for nutrition), thin. He was all skin and bones, save for a bit of lean muscle he'd gotten from fighting.  
I moved my hand from his crotch, making him whine just a bit, and held his waist. I just wanted to hold him closer, to kiss him deeper.   
He bit at his bottom lip as I ran my finger tips slowly down his torso and to the edge of his pants again. I've never seen such a sight as Alexander trembling a bit under my touch. My hands were shaking with anticipation, but his were practically vibrating.  
I caught his hands, then, holding them over his head. I set a knee between his legs, moving it up and down to cause friction for his crotch.   
He hissed a bit, wiggling under my control. I said softly in his ear, "Keep your hands there."  
I ran my hands over his torso again to inch his bottoms down, then his under garments. I craved the whined that escaped from the back of Alexander's throat when I wrapped my hand around his cock.   
He breathed out, chest heaving as he willed his hands to stay in place over his head, "Aaron..."   
I gave him a single stroke, and saw the pleasurable discomfort it gave him. Alexander moaned softly, "Aaron...Sir..."  
I dropped my head lower to lick the underside of his cock, looking up at him to take pleasure in his expression. His wonderful moans as my name left his slightly puffy lips, "Aaron...Aaron!"  
I was humming against his cock, delighted that I could make him so happy-That I was with him above all people-That I was the one that was able to make love to him and-  
I woke up.   
Alexander was by my bed, shaking my shoulders, "Sir, you're late for work, and I came over here to check on you, and I heard noises from in here."  
My dream came flooding back to me and I flushed, "Noises?"  
Alexander nodded, "You sounded like you were having a nightmare."  
I sighed, "It might as well have been. I apologize for sleeping in. I'll get dressed."  
Alexander stopped me before I could go to my dresser, "I read your letter."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus the plot thickens.

I pulled the blanket that was draped over the lower half of my legs up to cover my hips. That dream had both affected me emotionally, and well, physically. 

I ran a hand over my head, sighing a bit, "You read it?"

Alexander sat down beside me, one leg hanging a bit off of the bed, and the other pulled into his lap a bit. He must've been flexible. Maybe a bit more flexible than he was in my dream...

I shook my head. It wasn't real. It would never happen, so I need to stop thinking about it.

The letter was folded over once, enough to be held in Alexander's small hands. He opened it, looking at me, "And I thought I was the one to write day and night." 

I fiddled with my thumbs, subconsciously shifting a bit. Alexander was close to me, though thankfully he wasn't as close as he was in my dream. 'He'll never want to be that close to you.' I frowned at my own thought; though it was true, I liked the prospect, the tiny sliver of hope, that Alexander might find it in himself to love me.

'He's married, you cuck.' That I had to face. It was true. I visibly grew weary, my shoulders slouching. 

I felt his hand on my shoulder, and he gave it a little squeeze, "I really wish you had told me sooner, Aaron, but I suppose that wishful thinking never got anyone anywhere." There was a flash in his eyes, "Not on its own, anyway." His shoulder brushed against mine just enough for me to feel the heat coming off of him.

Alexander gave off a soft sigh, "We're stuck, don't you see?"

I felt him lean his head on my shoulder just enough for it to be considered intimate. I asked, in a soft voice, as if I might scare the moment away if I spoke too loud, "Stuck?"

He looked up at me, his chin still on my shoulder. I was too still. Any movement might aggravate the moment. "I'm stuck, Aaron. You should've told me much sooner."

'He has Eliza. That's what he's trying to say to you. He has Eliza and he's happy because she's absolutely wonderful. Everyone knows that. Eliza is beautiful, kind, intelligent, loving. Everything anyone would want. He loves her. Not you.'

My bottom lip trembled just a bit. Just enough to be noticeable. I closed my eyes. Maybe if I didn't see him, it wouldn't be real. Maybe I would be able to resist the urge to continue loving Alexander if I couldn't see him.  
Alexander sighed, the breath tingling on my skin a bit. Just enough to make me blush.

"Aaron, you haven't said anything."  
What was I to say? I wanted to say so much. I had so much that I could tell him. That, from the moment I met him, I found him attractive. With his olive skin tone, the dark hair that he tied loosely in a ribbon-even further, the piece of strand that always fell into his face-,the slight curve from his waist to his hips, that curiosity in his eyes. Everything made him so attractive. 

And then I got to know him, hoping against hope that he'd have a terrible personality so that I can become unattracted. But no. He had to be intelligent-a genius, really-charming, charismatic, a leader. Everything I wanted to be and then some.

I hoped that would make me despise him, that he's so incredibly perfect, but I just fell deeper and deeper in love with him. 

He was right. God, I should have told him when he was single, but I was terrified. 

There was a man by the name of Stanley that I'd went to school with. He'd been caught in a relationship with another man and he lost his scholarship.  
I wasn't in school anymore at that point, but I could've lost everything.  
Everything that I had worked so hard to achieve. 

Further than that, I was terrified that I found Alexander attractive at all. I'd only ever been with women for my entire life. My heart leapt into my throat when Alexander arrived into my life.  
And it's doing the same now, as his chin rests on my shoulder so cautiously, as his breath becomes warm against the skin of my throat.

It's enough to make any man shiver in fear and hopefulness.

I licked my lips, sucking in the bottom lip slightly before finally saying, "I was meaning to. For too incredibly long."  
Alexander gave out an exhausted sigh, and for a moment I wondered if he'd slept at all this week. (He was known as the man who stayed up for 23 hours of a day.) He pressed his forehead against my arm, "You're vague once more, sir."  
I know. I know, Alexander. If I could be more specific, if I could open my mouth without fear of being persecuted, I would. I would for him.

"Alexander...I-..." Love you. Just say it. Open your mouth and say it. Two words. You can do it, Burr. You can. Don't think of the consequences. Noone is here to overhear you. Alexander won't tell anyone else if you ask him to. "Alexander..." You idiot, just say it! 

Alexander sighed, "You're too indecisive, Aaron. Always thinking far ahead, thinking of the consequences. That if you tell me how you feel, we'll both be sodomised."

"You know how I feel."

He had a slight smirk at that, "I do. But I'd rather hear it from your mouth."  
I leaned down a bit, enough to press my forehead to his, "You really want to know?"

I may have been imagining it, but Alexander's cheeks were a bit flushed, "I do."

I closed my eyes. If I didn't see his expression, then it might be easier to tell him. I found my hand in his hair, messing with the loose bits from his ponytail, "Alexander, I-" my voice went too quiet, as if against my will, "-I love you."

I managed to open my eyes again when I felt his arms around my back. I sighed, feeling much too hopeless. Here he is. In my arms-or maybe I'm in his. We're so close, his face buried in my chest, one of my hands tangled in his hair, the other on his hip...but we're a million miles away, at the same time.

He's everything to me, but I can't have him. Not truly.

Shit. Tears were brimming my eyes, and though I willed them not to fall, one rolled down my cheek, dramatically landed on my arm. 

I choked. My voice seemed to be unable to work, my love for him so much that it's actually physically hurting me. I could feel the pain in my chest.

In my heart.

I flinched when he tilted his head, moving his gaze onto my face. His voice cut through me, "Aaron, are you crying?"  
I felt the tears stream down my cheeks, feeling horrible about all of this. That I'm so awfully in love with him. 

He sat up on his knees, hands catching my cheeks enough to make me face him, "Aaron?" Tender fingers wiped at my eyes. "Aaron, I didn't think it was that bad. I shouldn't have come. I'm so sorry." It wasn't like him to apologize. It wasn't like him to sound as desperate as he was.

I shook my head, finally able to speak again, though my voice came out a bit strained, "Don't. Don't be sorry, Alexander. This isn't fair to you. I should've told you before. I just...I-I was scared."

The tears weren't streaming as much now-just stinging my eyes, making my face uncomfortable.

Alexander's forehead touched mine again, resting there. Close, but comfortable. His hands were resting on my shoulders. His eyes were red, and I realized that he'd been on the verge of tears.

"Alexander," I murmured, "Don't cry."  
He shivered, not responding verbally like I expected him to. His nose brushed mine, just enough to make my eyes flutter closed. 

"You don't understand," he said finally,  
"I should be apologizing." I waited for him to speak again, "I felt the same way, Aaron. I loved you." Past tense. Loved. It stung.

He moved his hands up to the back of my neck and my brain flashed back to my dream. Where he did the same. Right before I-  
...I shifted a bit.

"And I should've told you. I knew that you wouldn't. You never speak your mind. Why would you tell me about this? I should've told you." He went on, "Do you know how many letters I've written? To Laurens, to Angelica. But none to you." I brushed a piece of hair out of his face, and he gave me a pained smile, "I was afraid to know your response. Me, afraid to take a chance."

I shook my head, "Alexander. I don't want to be a letter written on the side. I don't want to interfere with your marriage. You have no idea how much I love you, but I can't do this." 

Alexander sighed, "I don't want that, either." His hands were a bit shaky as he moved one to tilt my chin up. I stared at him, into his eyes, lidded and tired, when he softly brushed his lips against mine.

I didn't resist, as I should have. How could I have? Soft lips moved against mine. Slowly, carefully. He was being cautious with me, something I wasn't sure he was capable of. My chest swelled with emotion. My heart was conflicted, torn between beating out of my chest and beating slowly as if to allow me to savor the moment.

My hand was in his hair, lightly stroking it. My other hand caught his, holding it between our chests, gently intertwining our fingers. This was nothing like my dream. This was sweet. Soft. Gentle. Perfect.

Alexander rocked against me, and I was reminded of a pair of dancers, swaying in the middle of a ballroom, ignoring the rest of the world. He led a gentle rhythm. I smiled, for once letting my struggles go. All of the negative thoughts would have to be pushed away into the back of my mind for now.

Noone has to know. This could be ours and ours alone. Alexander gave my bottom lip a slight lick, and I opened my mouth a bit, shaky but peaceful. 

It was when Alexander's tongue brought a subdued groan out of me that I finally had to force myself to pull away. My breathing was strangely even. I saw first the flush in his face, then the love in his eyes. There seemed to be a halo of golden light around him.

I pressed another kiss to his lips, about to tell him that we should get to work, when I heard something. Like people talking. My eyes widened when I saw people looking in at us through my window.  
...  
The next day, the paper's headline read as follows: Washington's Right Hand Man Is Caught In Bed With Burr! 

My stomach was filled with lead. Exactly what I'd feared was happening. My hands shook a bit as I read the rest of the article, "Disgrace...Washington denies us any information on whether or not he knew about Hamilton's desires...To be brought to court..." Court. 

This country, for all of its talk of liberty and freedom would bring us to court for this. There was an officer at my door shortly after the event occurred. I was taken in as a fugitive.

God help me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay. We're caught up. Hopefully, this story won't get messed up like my other copy of it.

The authorities put me in a holding cell, waiting for a trial that I knew would be unfair.

Alexander is put with me. As if they were trying to test us.

I was sitting on the bench, head held in my hands. I was utterly miserable,   
running over all of the different laws I know that deal with this type of case. I rubbed my temples, hands shaking. Distressed. 

Alexander caught my attention, "Burr." 

I sighed, turning my head to meet his gaze, "Sir?"

"I have an idea." There was a certain light in his eyes that I couldn't deny-which is what put us in this mess in the first place.

But it's not like I had much choice as this point. I looked around the cell they point us in and saw my parents, my grandfather, all the people that worked hard so that I could get my education and become what I am. They'd be disappointed in me. My grandfather would most definitely disown me, were he still alive. Their memories made the room look smaller. I grew a bit claustrophobic, and had to force my hands onto my knees, gripping the fabric I was wearing. I swallowed the lump in my throat, "What is it?"

Alexander grew closer to me and I immediately drew back from him. At this point I didn't trust myself to not fall back into his arms. As much as I needed a warm embrace in my misery right now, I couldn't take the chance of being caught yet another time. Getting a longer sentence.

Alexander said, "We're both lawyers. We could defend ourselves. Defend each other. We know they're going to give us a shitty lawyer on purpose. They want us to either die or get a life sentence in prison. We call our own witnesses to the stand. People that can testify that we hate each other. People that love us and want us to get the hell out of here alive."

I ran a hand over my face, "You're right on that our lawyer will probably be shit. We could defend ourselves. They don't have any sound evidence except for one or two witnesses, but it really depends on how trust worthy those people are." I consider carefully, "We could ask Eliza. The press would eat it up. Wife of Hamilton defends him in court about alleged affair. If I could get contact with Theodosia..." I looked up at him, "And people to say we hate each other?" I felt my expression go deadpan, "Any of your friends. They all hate me as it is."

Alexander crossed his arms a bit, "Laf, Herc, and John don't hate you."

"Beg to differ."

Alexander rolled his eyes, "Forget it. They're known as my friends, anyway. That won't prove anything. We need someone who publicly hates the both of us. Someone like...Jefferson."

I frowned, "Jefferson doesn't hate me, he just... Isn't kind to me." The more I thought about it, he really just used me to gain support from some of the Northern states, as I'm more popular than him up here. I sighed, "Fine. Jefferson isn't known to like anyone except for Madison, really. But what makes you think he'll even come down here to help us?"

Alexander gave me a smirk that I didn't trust, "Oh, he will. The publicity of this case is insane. He'll do it for the controversy it'll bring him. Controversy brings attention and he's constantly yearning for that."

That brought a bit of a laugh out of the both of us. Our eyes connected for a moment, and I immediately looked away. I leaned my head against the wall, sighing, "Alexander, as great as lawyer as you and I are-"

"Thanks!"

I sighed, the corner of my mouth lifting a bit, "-We just aren't going to be able to convince them that we didn't do anything."

Alexander's grin fell, and he turned his head to look down at his hands, "I know... You're right. Even with our plan, they're going to be hard pressed on us." Then, a slight spark fell back into Alexander's voice, "Unless..."

I shook my head. That tone has gotten Alexander into nothing but trouble. "No. No 'unless'."

"Hear me out, sir! What if we take our plan and divvy it a little? What if, instead of trying to prove why we didn't do a bit of making out on your bed, we defend our right to do so?"

I considered what he said for a moment. "Are you saying..."

"We've laid a strong foundation for our country in that people should be allowed to do what they choose to. We're working on ending slavery, and I know you're trying to advance women's rights, what if we kick it up a notch? Say 'hey, just cause we're both guys doesn't mean we can't have attraction toward one another' and 'we should be able to without being on trial."

I thought about it. And the more I thought, the more it made my head ache, "Do you have any idea of the repercussions of such a stance? Not only would it drive a nail in the hole for our case-we'd be confessing to the deed of which they accuse us, but it'd also backlash on you specifically, Alexander. Your career would be done. You're married! The consequences for an affair in this country is horrendous, but an affair with a man? You'd be digging your own grave." I bit my bottom lip, "And, besides, no one would give in to the idea. It's considered unlawful, and beyond that, unholy, unrighteous, animalistic."

Alexander's lips tightened until it felt like he was scowling at me, "The entire point of this country, the entire point of breaking off from England was to end tyranny. To end the religious hold that they had on us. And you think they'd argue religion against us?"

"I don't think it, Alexander, I know. There are hypocrisies in our people just as there were in England." 

He seemed to despise that fact, but he didn't refute it. After a long silence, he finally said, "I still say it's our best shot." I met his gaze, and saw in it a sense of loss, of helplessness, of hurt, but there was also determination. They were the eyes I fell in love with.

I glanced back to make sure there were no guards around us at the time, and then laid a hand on his cheek, "And, I agree with you." I gave out a soft sigh, "We're still going to use our witnesses to our advantage, though. Perhaps we can play at an angle of defending something we got caught up in without being necessarily part of the cause. Like myself and feminism, or John Laurens and his efforts against slavery."

Hamilton grinned, "Great idea. Shall we get permission to call in our witnesses, then?" He set a hand over mine, and I caught it. Squeezed it for good luck.

"We shall."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case begins.

Alexander was frantically running his hands through his hair, pacing circles in our holding cell. 

"Alexander, calm down."

He turned on me, frustration in his eyes, "How are you so calm? Our plan is sound, sure, but not without Jefferson to testify for us! He's one of-no, the only!-non personal witness we had! Burr-" the hard inflection he put on my name made me flinch away a bit, "-We might actually lose this one." He frowned, hands falling from his hair down to his sides in loose defeat, "And then what?"

I tried to remain calm in the face of this hurricane we were caught in, "Then, we'll face the charges they place upon us. From what I've been told by our official-" I used air quotes to put emphasis on this next word, "-'lawyer', we face either a large fine or a elongated sentence in prison."

"I know that. Anyone with half a brain knows that. And, I don't know about you, but I can't afford the fine they place for this. And, God knows I can't go to prison." Hamilton's eyes were desperate. Much more so than before. 

"Hey, listen, we have to go to court in less than an hour's time. They're pushing up the date because of who we are. If they did that, then they might give us a lighter sentence. And, besides, they really just want this for the headlines." 

There was a shift in Alexander's expression. His fists balled up just enough to be noticeable, "You're right. But we're going to give them something to write about, right?"

'We're going to support the homosexual community, right?' That was the underlying message. He wanted to know that I was still going to be supporting it. He was uncertain of me. Thinking that I'd back out of the plan so that I wouldn't have to look worse.

I couldn't blame him for that.

I nodded, "I already told you, I'm going to stand by you on this. I promised."

Alexander was a bit scrutinizing, "I didn't make you promise me anything."

"Not to you-to myself." I saw his eyebrows quirk, and explained myself, "Alexander, I believe in this cause, whether it just be to benefit myself and my own...desires-" I phrased that carefully, "-or simply because I don't feel like this is fair for anyone, I do believe in it. I'll stand with you on this."

Alexander gave me a smile that made my heart flutter, "That might be the best damn thing I've ever heard you say."

"I've told you I loved you before."

Alexander shrugged, "That's a pretty close second," he winked at me. 

"You're lucky it's true," I added, "And that noone was around to hear you admit to that."

Alexander waved that last comment off, then sat down by me once more, reaching to squeeze my hand, "I believe in it, too."

_________________________________________

The time came when Alexander and I were led to our trial. He gave me a short pat on the back, giving me a nod that read, 'Stand tall, be prideful.'

I was wary of that, but I did straighten my shoulders a bit, eyes moving forward to face the table where we'd be sitting. That's when I saw Theodosia, Eliza, all of the people I knew, watching me. There was some shame in their eyes. They tried to hide it, but it was there. In my dear Theodosia's eyes. 

I wanted to reach out to her, but I felt a hand on my shoulder telling me not to. I bit my lip, turning away from her lovely soft gaze. I'm in court. I must be professional, even if one of my first loves was watching me being accused.

Alexander and I sat in the defense's corner, waiting for the judge to come in so we could start this trial. When he arrived, we stood, then sat back down as he started speaking, "This is the trial of Burr and Hamilton v. State of New York. Now, can we hear from the accusing side?"

The prosecutor stood, tipping his head, "Your honour, if I may begin my opening statement by bringing to light the act made as far back in the 1500s made by a dear queen that stated that, not only is the act of sodomy unnatural, it is ungodly-"

"Objection!" Alexander leapt to his feet, one hand on the table and the other as if reaching for sky.

"On what grounds do you object, Hamilton?" The judge, as well as everyone else in the room, knew of Alexander's abrasive nature in court.

Alexander gave a little smirk, "The act that the prosecutor so confidently spits makes means of godliness as righteousness. I, for one, disregard this as pressuring religion on people and making a law on it. Is that not what this country was founded upon? The freedom of religion? I'll say that that is what I fought for in the war. Did the prosecution fight for such rights?"

He went right for it, as usual. Speaking of the same reasons he said to me as we were waiting. The judge gave it thought, I'll give him that, "Objection overruled. What you say is true, Hamilton, but we must allow the prosecution to speak or this trial will be needlessly elongated."

Hamilton wasn't satisfied with this, but he sat down. 

The prosecutor said, with an air of confidence, "Now, we must realize that this law is one still enforced upon us for good reason, my sirs. It is simply ghastly to think that a man should be able to love another man as one would a woman. And for a man to be able to do so proves a form of mental health, a certain awful disorder. A form of disrespect, disregard, for what is meant to be. They are, by engaging in these acts, and by what we've heard from Hamilton, even defending them, bringing a new wave of anarchy to this newly founded country. One which we simply do not need as we begin our reforms with the constitution, as France and England begin war."

The judge asked, "Do you have any witnesses to call to prove the party guilty?"

The prosecutor stated, "Yes, your honour. I'd like to call my first witness to the stand, one Samuel Seabury."

Alexander's eyes widened, and his hands curled into fists underneath the table, "No," he seethed.

Seabury didn't look too excited as he somewhat sulked his way to the stand. His bangs swept over his eyes more than when I'd met him. His gaze was uneasily flickering from person to person.

The prosecutor crossed over to Seabury, "Is it, or is it not, true that you were crossing by when you happened to see the two men sitting there in the same room?"

Seabury was staring down at his hands. He looked too incredibly nervous, and the prosecutor pressed him again when he didn't say anything for a moment. He finally spoke up, "Y-Yes, that's what I saw."

"And, what exactly where the two doing?" 

Seabury connected his eyes with mine, if just for a brief moment. He sighed, voice shaky as he said, "Under oath I must say what I saw." He lifted his chin a bit, "They were kissing." At least he put it gently.

The prosecutor gave a little smirk, directing his gaze toward me and Alexander, "Could you provide the court with more details to satisfy our curious minds? Was it a simple kiss?"

Seabury's face was flushed with a certain kind of shame that I couldn't quite place, "No, it wasn't." He shook his head, "I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I feel ill."

The prosecutor frowned a bit, then said to the judge, "That makes for my point, then. My first witness can step down. It's clear what he saw." 

The judge then turned to our attorney, though I could've sworn that his eyes were connected with Hamilton's, "And for the defense?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, that's a cliffhanger.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a bit long. Also, I have an au where Laurens hasn't died as of yet, so I can include the Hamilton-Laurens drama and letters.   
> ...  
> A question: In the next chapter, do you want details of what Theo and Burr are, ahem, doing, or a short synopsis of it?

"And for the defense?" 

The judge just barely got his words out before Alexander leapt to his feet once more, "Gentlemen of the jury, Mr. Burr and myself would like to further represent ourselves to you." Alexander went around the table to stand in the middle of the court room, in front of the judge and jury. He glanced back at me, beckoning me forward, to which I responded by following him up there, doing as he said-presenting the odd hold over me he had that probably didn't help in this particular case.

I felt as if all of the eyes of the world, and not just the courtroom, were on the two of us. Alexander spoke again, "Now, I've already presented my stance on the matter. What gives us, a country constantly celebrating our freedom and new ideals, the right to say whether or not two responsible adults can have intercourse?" I flinched a bit at the word; Alexander should've used a softer term, "I suppose it's our way of thinking. Unfortunately, what the prosecutor says is true. Condemnation of homosexuality is deeply rooted in our English background. And I suppose that this court doesn't want a speech on why homosexuals should be allowed to do as they want. Do they, Burr?"

I gave off a sigh, "No, Hamilton, I'd think not." It's better to play along with his little routine, in cases like these. Alexander's charm may save my ass on this.

Alexander's small smirk of confidence shone bright on his face, "Right. What this court wants is to prosecute us on the charges of sodomy. And it's my job-our job-to prove our innocence. With that, I'd like to call my first witness. My dear Eliza, would you approach the stand?"

Eliza, with all of her trust, threw a look my way that read uncertainty. She looked almost convinced of my guilt. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Alexander and I met her at the stand, and Alexander said to her in a voice that seemed too gentle to be his, "Eliza, you're sworn in?"

She gave him a nod, "I am."

"Good. Now, I'd like to ask you a few questions, to which I'd be happy if you answered them straightforward and as truthfully as you can. Let our outside relationship not affect this case."

"Of course," she replied, but I noticed a kind light in her eyes when she spoke to him. One of not only a wife, but a woman who loves and trusts him with all of her heart. It made me sick to my stomach because of the guilt on my shoulders.

Alexander brought out a few notes he made for himself, "That being said, I'll have to ask you: How long have we been together?"

Eliza gave out a soft hum, "We met in 1780, so a few years now."

Alexander nodded, "That's right. And have I, in this time, given you any reason to believe that I'd cheat on you? To lose your trust in any way?"

That sly bastard. He was going to use his marriage, use his wife's trust, to get off from this. 

Eliza's eyes were still soft, warm, "No. You haven't given me any reason to not trust you, Alexander."

The smile on Alexander's face, in his eyes, tore up a part of me. The knot in my gut twisted up even more as I saw how beautiful their relationship was.

Alexander went on, "Have you ever found any letters, any garments, anything at all, that might lead you to see any amorous connections I have to any man in my life?"

I heard a soft, "Oh, shit," from behind me. I turned to see John Laurens covering his mouth from where he sat.

The prosecutor must've seen this, as well, because he seemed to have an idea forming in his mind.

Alexander seemed to have frozen in place for a moment. He then turned to the judge, "I'll have my first witness dismissed, seeing as my point is made. Elizabeth Schuyler, one of the closest people in my life, has testified under oath that she has no beliefs of my infidelity."

Eliza stepped down, her heels clacking on the wooden floors of the court, seeming to echo a bit too loud as everyone was silently curious of Laurens' outburst.

Alexander stepped down, "First point done."

The prosecutor rose once more, "I have an impromptu witness." My head was pounding with fear, "You who spoke, Mr. Laurens is it? I call you to the stand."

Alexander was cross, "Objection! Laurens was one of my witnesses, you honour." 

The judge sighed, "We'll allow it."

Laurens was shaking a bit as he was sworn in. The prosecutor narrowed his eyes at him, "Tell me, Mr. Laurens, what did you mean by your outburst earlier?"

Laurens bit his lip, "I didn't mean anything by it."

"You realize you're under oath of honesty? One does not speak out of turn in court without having meaning behind their words."

Laurens was playing with his hair nervously, "I don't have to say anything, either. Not if it will hurt me." Alexander sucked in a sharp breath at his words, and I noticed that he was tapping his foot as if subconsciously.

The prosecutor said, "So you admit to something being the cause of your outburst? And that it will, quote, 'Hurt you?'"

Laurens remained silent.

The prosecutor had his hands behind his back, "I believe the question that Mr. Hamilton had asked of Mrs. Hamilton-Schuyler was if she had found any letters, or any further evidence, to support a claim of Hamilton being mixed with men before. And that, I believe, is what caused your outburst. This is correct?"

Laurens twirled a curl around his finger, "Fine. That's correct."

I couldn't find it within myself to object the pressure that the prosecutor was pushing upon Laurens. I wasn't even a fan of the short, curly haired man, (I found him too loud, too obnoxious, a bit spoiled, if you asked me), but this was becoming ridiculous. One didn't have to be all that intelligent to put two and two together. Between Alexander and Laurens' nervousness, I think it's obvious what the prosecutor is pushing for.

The prosecutor then asked, "So, what was it, Mr. Laurens, that pushed a button? Was it a letter? A stray under garment that was left after a night of heated passion? Was it a ribbon that fell out of your hair?"

A tear dripped down Laurens' face, "Stop."

The prosecutor quirked up a brow, "What?"

Laurens sniffed a bit, "Just stop, okay?" His hands were tangled in his hair, "It was just some letters; we didn't actually do anything! I-I have a wife, and a daughter. We wrote during the war, that's it. Please, I-we...We didn't do anything else."

"Do we have any copies of these letters?"

Laurens' breath was a bit uneven. He shook his head, "No."

The prosecutor then turned to the jury, "We do, however, have admittance to a relationship between these two men. One needn't have to stretch one's imagination much to believe that if Hamilton could be in one relationship, he can go to another."

The prosecutor went to sit back down, and Laurens shuffled back to his seat, avoiding eye contact with Alexander. I saw Lafayette and Mulligan both consoling Laurens.

I stood, "I'll call my next witness to the stand, then. Mrs. Prevost, if you would."

Theodosia's eyes were intelligent. She walked with a careful stride, chin up as she sat down to face the court.

A wave of fear rushed over me as I approached her. Her hair was in braids over her shoulders. She looked stunning, and that scared me. "Mrs. Prevost, to you I'll ask similar questions as my co-counsil asked of his wife."

She held a steady gaze, "Go on."

I licked my lips, "Mr. Hamilton has had some evidence of interacting romantically with men. That's new to me." Lies. "But, what about myself? Unlike Mr. Hamilton, I haven't written a letter to another man, nor have I any interest in another man." Lying in court. "Mrs. Prevost, as my dearest love, can you validate that?"

"Mr. Burr, I haven't any reason to convict you of doing so. After my husband died, we did see each other." She bent the truth a bit to preserve my own and her respect. Admittance of an affair wouldn't help either one of us. She spoke more directly to the court now, "And we spoke to one another through letters for some time. Mr. Burr was loyal to me, as Mr. Hamilton is to his wife. In fact," Theodosia's eyes had a bit of a spark to them that reminded me all too much of Alexander, "I remember writing to Burr about the subject of sodomy, and how much I wasn't fond of the laws against homosexuality. And I have in writing him saying that he's never gave it much thought. Now, as a woman, I have thoughts on women's rights. A slave would have open opinions about slavery. A homosexual would have open opinions about sodomy. That's natural, but Burr didn't, because he isn't homosexual."

I had to crack a soft smile in her direction, "I couldn't have said it better myself. She's entirely correct. Mrs. Prevost, do you have these letters?" I looked at her with even more fondness when she handed them to me.

"Thank you, Mrs. Prevost. That'll be all."

Theodosia gave me a slight tip of the head when she passed me. 

I addressed the court, "You see, your honour, and gentlemen of the jury, I don't have interest in men. I never have. Now, Hamilton and I did have a meeting at my house on that day. Just as Seabury said, Hamilton had come to my place a bit early, and I was a bit disheveled. I'd just woken up, you see, and anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm not a morning person." I paused, "Hamilton and I were about to go to work, but, seeing as I was still waking up, he sat with me in my room. We talked. That is all that occurred." I've never lied so smoothly in my life.

Hamilton, who was still frustrated about what happened with Laurens, nodded, "It's true. Burr was running late to work, so I decided to see what was wrong. Wake him up. We talked about what was troubling him, because I was sure something was off, considering he's never been late before. That's all."

I looked up to the judge, then to the prosecutor, "Don't you have another witness?"

The prosecutor was gritting his teeth, "He didn't show up."

I had to hide the relief that fell over me, "Then, by law, since you have no evidence, and not enough witnesses, you cannot convict us of the crime. Correct?"

The prosecutor met my eyes, and I saw a small flash of something in them, "Correct." 

The judge raised his gavel, "Then, we have a ruling. Burr and Hamilton are innocent of all charges." The gavel fell.

________________________________________

After court was dismissed, I went up to talk with Alexander, but he said he'd have to speak with me later, and rushed to his wife. It occurred to me that the letters discussed would affect her, as well.

Laurens, as well as the Marquis and Mulligan, was gone. 

I sighed. In our victory, I'd almost forgotten how upset Laurens had been. How upset Eliza must be, knowing her husband wrote to another during the war.

I turned, feeling a hand on my shoulder. Theodosia stood behind me, and her hands fell to my chest. My breath hitched a bit, "Theo?"

Her eyes were studying me, "It's been too long, Aaron."

I nodded, "That it has." My hand rested in her hair, "Thank you, for coming. Your words helped our case immensely."

She tugged at my shirt collar, pulling me into a kiss. Soft lips met mine for the first time in some time. 

When she asked me to join her at her house, and then to her bed, I didn't say no. She was right. It'd been all too long.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My poor Burr. How will I hurt him now?

Theodosia pulled me forward, to her home, to her bed. A wave of emotion fell over me when her lips touched mine again. God, it's been so, so long since I've felt her skin on mine. Her smaller hands on my chest; mine cupping the sides of her face just to hold her there. To make sure it was real.

Theodosia pulled her lips away from mine, dragging a soft groan that seemed to have been festering deep in my gut since-

(since Alexander's lips were connected to mine, since his hips were moving in circular motions against my own)

-since we'd last enjoyed each other's company.

Her sparkling eyes poured out want for me. My shaking hands slid down from her face to trace down her body, shifting to hold her waist. She breathed out a little whisper, "Aaron, I thought of you. When we didn't write, it made me only made me want to be with you like this even more." She brought her lips to my chest, nibbling a bit on my collarbone, "I've missed you all too much."

A drawn out sigh escaped me as I felt her lips press gentle kisses from my chest to my neck again. She was always so good at making me feel loved in this way.

Her hands undone the first button on my overcoat, causing a shiver down my spine as-

(as Alexander had run his tongue over my bottom lip, pushing it forward into my mouth, roaming it and-)

-as she pressed her lips to mine again. She seemed to be more impatient than in those nights during the war. When General Washington had used her house as a base for that time and they found each other. Perhaps because it'd been so long. Back then, we'd taken precautions as our tongues and fingertips discovered different parts of each other's bodies. Now, we were two lovers reunited after each went through the loss of something dear to them. For Theodosia, it was her husband. For me, it was the hope I had with being intimate, (in a relationship), with Alexander.

Either way it's just to say, she took control, (though she really always had it), and pushed me back onto her bed. The comfort of it as I sank down into the blankets was somewhat heavenly. She leaned down to press a kiss against my lips. Her skirt was sprawled around her as her legs stretched a bit wider to straddle my lap.

Her eyes were lidded just as Alexander's were... My stomach was filled with lead, "Theodosia..."

Theo hummed, lips locked on my neck, and her fingers were delicately tracing the outline of my crotch. She must've taken me groaning out her name as a sign of pleasure. 

I almost let myself completely succumb to the sensation of her palming me through my clothing, but guilt was taking over. I felt like I was cheating in a sense. In my mind, it was Alexander's fingers that were making my hips jolt with electricity. In my mind, it was Alexander's breathing in my ear, Alexander's chest pressed against mine, Alexander's hair falling in his face so seductively.

"Theo, I-I," my fingers dug into the sheets of her bed, "My dear, I-I can't do this."

Theodosia backed up enough to be able to talk to me properly, "What do you mean, Aaron?"

I made a sign of sitting up, and she crawled off of me, sitting on the bed next to me. I shifted, awkward and nervous under her gaze, "Theo, I... I've fallen in love."

There was a silence that made my mind race. What could she be thinking? What will she ask of me? What would she think of me, if I told?

Her breathing was still thin, and I could hear her put effort into trying to even it out. She took my chin in between two fingers, turning my head to face her, "Aaron?" There was a trace of hurt in her dark eyes. She frowned a bit deeper, "Who is it?"

I set a light hand in her hair, playing with her soft curls, "It's hard to tell you, Theo, it truly is." This was the woman who, at one time, I'd been head over feet for. I still loved her dearly, but my romantic heart was in another place now. It was held in Alexander's coarse hands.

Theodosia held me in her gaze, then I saw her eyes light up a bit, "I understand. I think I know."

Her hands found mine, and she squeezed them. I was taken aback at her proclamation, "You do?" There was no way she knew. 

"Aaron," a soft smile graced her lips, "You're not as hard to read as you think you are." She let a light laugh slip, "I suppose you should've lost your case, then?"

I sighed, but her infectious laugh made it hard for me to truly feel bad. I shook my head, and her continued giggles made the corner of my lips upturn, "I suppose you're right."

Theodosia pulled me into a warm hug, her arms wrapping around my shoulders, "I understand, Aaron." She rested her forehead against mine in a loving embrace, "Do you need to go home?"

I moved to nuzzle her neck a bit, "I do, I really do." The realization that I'll be going back to a place that's void of any other life made me immediately less sure of my decision, "I just don't want to be alone, Theo." It all came crashing down on me at once, and it hurt. My God, it hurt.

Theodosia nodded, setting her chin on top of my head, "I know, I know."

We stayed like that for an incredibly long time, though it passed by us quickly. I murmured, "I can't believe you're okay with this."

"You deserve happiness, Aaron, no matter who it's with, and no matter how much you think you don't." That struck a bit harder than it should have.

I eventually let go of her, giving her a light kiss on the forehead, "I love you so much, Theo."

She looked like she was holding back a few tears, "I love you, too." She gave me a smile, "Now go get him."

With that, I left her. I couldn't force myself to be able to go back home to the dark loneliness, so I made fit to walk through the area. My head hurt a bit, and my feet were taking charge of the situation, leading me toward a bar.

I gave in to my subconscious wishes, sitting at the bar and ordering a drink. When the bartender went to get my shot, I felt another presence by me. A chill went down my spine for the second time that night when Alexander's voice spoke in my ear, "Burr, what a coincidence."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last one.

I tensed up when I heard Alexander's voice in my ear, "Burr, what a coincidence." I was almost tempted to run away, or even just look straight ahead and pretend I didn't hear him. 

But I couldn't. 

Alexander meant too much to me to just ignore him-even if that is the easier route in this case. I carefully took the drink that the bartender gave me, holding it in my hand for the longest time, as if contemplating on it and everything this moment could represent. I asked of the man sitting next to me, "What are you doing here?"

Alexander waved his hand in a circular motion, "I've been here for an hour or so. In the back, actually, but I came up here when I saw you." He paused, then in a more scrutinizing tone, "I should ask the same of you."

I took a drink, the burn at the back of my throat much less painful than this encounter. I didn't respond to him, pursing my lips and focusing back on how precariously the shot glass was placed between my two fingers.

Alexander continued, "I thought I saw you leave with Theodosia." His voice was a bit strained, "I would've thought you'd be staying with her now."

The mention of Theo stung, but there was a certain waver in his voice that told me he was feeling pain as well. I cleared my throat, not yet feeling the light buzz that I wanted to accomplish in this bar, "I...went to Theodosia's home, but I couldn't stay for long." 

He had beer in his grip, and his eyes were more than slightly red. Bagged eyes looked even more tired. "I understand."

I finally set down my shot glass, and gave him a sideways glance. I tread lightly, "And of Elizabeth? Shouldn't you be with her?"

Alexander's grip on the mug grew looser as his shoulders slacked. He replied exhaustedly, "She knew." A slight smile played on his lips, "She knew. She's so smart, Aaron." He sniffed, "She knew before the case, even. That I was feeling something for someone else." He laughed bitterly, "She was crying, but there was a smile on her face, as if she were proud of something. Of herself maybe, for figuring me out when no one else had. Or maybe of me and you for... for getting out of the case alive. Or maybe of something completely unrelated. I don't know." Alexander's laugh went out like a flame, "She asked me to leave. All calm and polite. But she did."

Alexander's gaze met my own, and I saw the tears streaming down his cheeks. There was a light in his eyes that I didn't like. It was sorrowful, depressed and hopeless. 

I set my thumb under his eye, wiping away the tears slowly. My touch was as a feather's, but he leaned into it. I gazed around, seeing that we were in a bar that was nearly empty, save for the bartender himself. The touch stayed.

He closed his eyes, more tears breaking away from the lids as his nose just barely touched the palm of my hand. I breathed out, "Alexander..."

He looked utterly exhausted, "Aaron, I don't think she wants me back home. She was just so-so sad, Burr. And, I'm not sure that I'll be able to face her again. Not now that she knows that I love someone else." Love.

He loves me.

I love him.

I stood, earning a low pitched whine from him, which I promptly ignored as I hurried him along. I led him outside after paying for the shot I had, as well as however much Alexander had had. Alexander's gaze was focused downward as he walked along side me. His voice was hushed as the night weighed on him, "Where are you taking me?"

I simply shook my head, bound and determined to get him somewhere safe. He didn't need to be prowling around at night whilst half inebriated and saddened with guilt.

We walked to my residence, and I brought out a few blankets for him, settling them on the couch. I hummed. I might let him just have my bed, instead. It might be more gracious.

I turned to ask him if he'd like my bed, when Alexander's lips were on mine. These lips had been on another tonight. Guilt washed over me. I pulled back, eyes displaying my inner turmoil. Delicately, I tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear. I needed him, but at the same time, so did his children, so did his wife. He knew that, somewhere in the back of his mind in an area that isn't clouded by alcohol and lust, maybe even love.

After all that we'd been through, after going through court and saving ourselves by the skin on our necks, he somehow still wants me. Alexander hushed me, "Aaron, shut up. Please, I'm fucking tired. I want a break from debating for once. I just want to take a break."

Alexander kissed me deeply, tongue already in my mouth in such a short time that I couldn't even process it getting there. His teeth clashed with mine and his body fit so effortlessly against mine that it was somewhat painful to want to say no to him.

We fit together. We worked well together. We could very well love each other as deeply as any other couple, but we couldn't be together.

He knew that. I knew that.

Perhaps that's why I didn't stop him. 

His mouth was on my neck, marking me with deep purple bruises that wouldn't go away for days. His hands traveled over my chest like they were meant to. His rough, worn hands traveling over my skin.

I let him take me over. Just for tonight. 

His lips trailed down my chest, lower and lower until they kissed right over my crotch. I gave off a light sigh. He looked up at me, on his knees, voice slurred but demanding, "Take off your clothes, Aaron."

I consented. He did need this, and I'd promised long ago that I'd give him anything he needed...

_________________________________________

I woke up at Alexander's side, my head lying on his chest. My legs hurt, and I remembered with a deep flush coming to my cheeks what we'd done the night before. 

I always knew that Alexander took what he needed, but I hadn't known that he'd needed me. He'd taken me, and despite my fear, he was still beside me.

I shook my head at the thought. He wouldn't be with me for long. He had a life to get to and I'd make sure he went to it. He needed to reconcile with Eliza; he needed to embrace his children. Alexander needed to go home.

He'd had his break, and I needed to make sure that his life at home was steady before I'd ever be able to look at myself again.

It was a hassle to get Alexander dressed again, and an even harder one to convince him that he was to go to his home. His lips, chapped from all the time he spent biting at them, were on mine again and again. I wanted so bad to give in to those lips. To lay back down and let him have me again, my fingernails digging into his skin as-I sucked in a breath, "Come on, Alexander."

His eyes were pleading with me, "Aaron, she won't have me back. Eliza is forgiving, yes, but I betrayed her. With every moment that my eyes are on you, I continue to betray her." His hands were on my hips, breath on my ear as he leaned into me.

I wanted to have his tongue exploring my mouth again; I wanted him to look down at me while taking me, eyes hungry and tongue licking a slow line over his bottom lip as sweat beaded on his forehead.

I shuddered, "Then you need to distance yourself from me." Even as I said it, my hands were finding their place on his back.

He sighed, dropping his head to nuzzle his face into my neck, "You're right. I know."

I felt him pulling away from me, and suddenly my mind was screaming at me to tug him back. No, no, you were right all along, Alexander. Please, just come back and stay with me. Fuck the rest of the world; stay with me. Love me as I love you. 

His body heat left. He walked toward the door, eyes sad and mouth being forced to smile, "I'll see you, then. At work."

I nodded, tears pricking my eyes as I prayed that they'd stay back until he left, "At work." 

He turned, and I felt so stupid because of course we'd see each other again. We're still friends, coworkers, people who were in love. We'll always meet each other somewhere.

His eyes met mine, and though his mouth opened, words didn't fall out. His eyes closed, body turned toward the outside world.

The door shut.

Click.

And thus the door that separated me from the love of my life was closed.

Closed by him.


End file.
